The Holidays can be a wonderful and joyous time of the year, but it can also be stressful. For many in early recovery the Holidays can jeopardize their recovery… Here are some tips I have used throughout my recovery to ensure my recovery comes first during the Holidays.
1. Keep working your program of recovery (Meetings, fitness, meditation, etc). REMEMBER!!! We are STILL powerless over our addiction – Too many people let this slip from their mind when they are suddenly presented with a drinking opportunity during the Holidays.
2. You still can’t control it… We often hear voices that tell us it would be different this time.
3. One is too many, 100 is not enough. Rarely do we have one drink and stop. Don’t listen to the inner addict.
4. You don’t deserve it… We tell ourselves this after periods of sobriety, and quite often when we are with friends and family.. You DESERVE serenity and that is the opposite of what comes with addiction.
5. You DO NOT need to go to any party or place you feel vulnerable – Your recovery is way too important to risk it by being somewhere you are vulnerable.
6. You DO NOT have to justify your recovery – Some like to talk about their recovery, but you don’t have to, and you don’t have to feel the need to justify it.
7. Remember you don’t have to go anywhere just to please someone else – If a friend or relative gets upset because you avoid a party they will get over it… YOU may never get over a relapse
8. Have Sober Strategies in Place – Develop a plan to protect your sobriety ahead of any holiday event and activity that could potentially trigger a relapse.
9. Practice your conscious contact with your higher power – Listen to God, you will find the guidance if you listen.
10. Be Mindful of What You’re Drinking—and Thinking – At social gatherings, it might be helpful to always have a beverage in hand so people aren’t constantly offering you a drink.
11. Avoid Known Risks – If Cousin Eddie will insist that you have “one” drink, stay away from him. If the office Holiday party is really all about drinking, make a brief appearance or don’t attend (remember rules 1-8).
12. Practice and schedule Self-care – meditation, exercise and rest can do wonders for your well-being.
Do you ever wonder why some people become addicted to substances and others don’t? Is it truly a disease? Is it genetic? Is it reprehensible? Is it preventable? Addiction is defined as a disease by the American Medical Association. Addiction, clinically referred to as a substance use disorder, is a complex disease of the brain and body that involves compulsive use of one or more substances despite serious health and social consequences. Addiction disrupts regions of the brain that are responsible for reward, motivation, learning, judgment and memory[1]. Genetic risk factors account for about half of the likelihood that an individual will develop addiction[2]. Prevention is a little more complex. Addiction is caused by a combination of behavioral, psychological, environmental, biological factors as well as genetics. However, there are many prevention interventions that can have a great result in lowering the rates of addiction. For instance, according to the NIAAA those that have their first drink at the ages of 12-14 are 4 times more likely to develop alcohol dependence and 67% higher chance of using illegal drugs[3]. So preventing adolescents from access to alcohol during this age would greatly reduce the chance for addiction in the future.
Addiction doesn’t happen with one use. It has stages. It starts with experimentation. This is when the person has their first drink of alcohol. It all starts with the first use. Addiction has a lot of stigma associated with it. Most people in our society view it as character weakness or moral flaw as if we alcoholics and addicts planned for addiction. The especially troubling part of this is the growing acceptance that experimentation and adolescent use is normal and there is nothing we can do about it. Part of the previous sentence is true; experimentation is a normal part of life for many and for some of those it is the start of a deadly disease. As was discussed previously the age of the onset of first use is highly indicative of future problems. For me, my first taste of alcohol was at age FIVE! Granted it was only a sip of a beer but it was a sip that was given by permission from my father. Before anyone wonders what kind of man my father was please remember this was the 70’s; my father would drink Pabst Blue Ribbon (I even remember the brand) at horseshoe tournaments. It was a small tournament in an isolated northern Minnesota community where everyone knew everyone. When he needed a beer he would have me or my brother go in and buy him a beer. The bartender knew it was for our father so he gave it to us and we delivered. As a “reward” we got to have the first drink! I remember the excitement of this. I am not sure if it was the anticipation of the drink or being rewarded for doing something for Dad, but nevertheless I still remember as I’m writing this how it felt to get my reward. What effect does this have on a five year old’s brain? Not just the development and neurochemistry but what was I being taught? Alcohol is acceptable? It’s ok to drink for adults and even for little kids on occasion and it is a reward? Around this time my father quit drinking and never resumed during his life. However, my quest for alcohol didn’t cease in fact it became a quest. At large family gatherings adults would put their beer in a large outdoor washtub with ice to keep them cold. My cousins and I would sneak beer from this tub and run off somewhere private to share the beverage. There was no intoxication but the thrills I received associated with beer only intensified. In the sixth grade my experimentation finally included intoxication. My friend’s birthday party was held at his home where there was large quantities of alcohol. The alcohol was not given to us, but it was not locked up either (or really supervised for that matter). We would go to the beer fridge (which also had the pop) and pretend to get a pop and really grab a couple of beers. We would place them in our crotch between our legs and slowly and carefully walk to his bedroom to deposit our loot in a secure hiding place and return to the basement to make another withdrawal. We did this several times until we had enough for consumption. That night we drank our warm Blatz beers and had our first buzz. I was hooked immediately. It was as if a light bulb went off above my head alerting me to my new found euphoria. I didn’t feel lonely, empty, anxious or timid anymore. I felt great! I wanted to feel this intoxication for the rest of my life!
Is experimenting with alcohol reprehensible? Was I immoral for trying alcohol? Hardly! Remember, addiction is caused by a combination of behavioral, psychological, environmental, biological factors as well as genetics… I was hanging out with good kids with great parents. But we were kids that were inspired by older kids in our community that drank. And the community itself was somewhat accepting of kids drinking. People felt it was just a little beer; a rite of passage… Alcohol was available (to steal) and we did… Those social and environmental factors paved the way for my first drink…
I also struggled with anxiety. I felt empty inside and I was always worried. Worried about acceptance, about friendships, family, etc.. Of course at the age I didn’t know I had anxiety, my parents didn’t know but it raged from with and that first numbing buzz of alcohol soothed the anxiety and I took notice. Those with untreated anxiety disorders that drink alcohol are three times more likely to develop alcohol dependence compared to those without anxiety disorders[4].
My genetics then did the rest… Although many people have those same social and environmental factors they may not have had the same pleasure and euphoria that I did due to their genetics…My genetic wiring produces massive euphoria and pleasure from alcohol and or drugs… Some people may wake up after drinking really sick, vomit, get in trouble or maybe it didn’t have desirable effects from their first use and say never again! Others like me would say that wasn’t so bad, and the high was AMAZING…. In addition, it quieted my worrisome mind and alleviated the anxiety. That is how genetics is involved in addiction… However, just because a person is born with those genetics addiction can still be prevented if we delay the onset of that first experience…. It was my choice to drink that first drink. The drink that started everything. After that first drink I was ready to continue to the next stage; Regular Use/Social Use. (Blog coming soon).
Prevention Tips:
As mentioned earlier, experimentation will happen, but if we can delay the onset of first use we can greatly lower the addiction rates. If you noticed in my experience ALL of the alcohol use was provided by an adult. At first, willingly, then through theft, but it was still accessible. What would have happened if I wasn’t introduced alcohol at such a young age and alcohol was not available? I am not blaming my parents or my friend’s parents for my addiction. My parents THOUGHT they were keeping me safe from drugs and alcohol because they NEVER had alcohol in our home. However, my best friend’s dad always had alcohol and my friend and I were nearly inseparable. Again, I am not blaming his father; he probably never thought we would steal his alcohol or maybe he thought he would notice if it was missing… Therefore, even if you have an alcohol free house or secure your alcohol do you know what is accessible to your kids at their friend’s house? Talk to their parents. Together we can delay the onset of first use and greatly reduce the addiction rates. I am living proof that recovery works but as we know; unfortunately not everyone gets a chance to recovery. Some die or are permanently incarcerated due to their addiction. For them their only chance was to not use in the first place. Prevention works!
Please subscribe to my blog for updates and to read the second of four parts in this blog on the stages of addiction.
On Sunday it was 21 years since my first heart surgery. I remember the day I was diagnosed. My wife was 8+ months pregnant with our first child. As we walked from exam room to exam room at the incredible Mayo Clinic in Rochester all eyes were on my wife’s belly as everyone assumed something must be wrong with the baby because we were so young and seemingly healthy. That is the way I felt. I was 26, in great shape. I didn’t smoke or drink; I felt invincible. However, deep down inside I was terrified because I knew there was a hidden killer in my genetics.
My father had died ten years earlier from Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy at age 43. It was after his sudden death that I learned that this genetic defect (MYBPC3) could be passed down genetically. But this is like when you hear eating foods high in cholesterol will kill you (you believe this but the possibility is so far away you don’t care) and like many young people I had no fears until my initial cardiologist in Mankato urgently sent me to the Mayo.
After many tests it was confirmed that I have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy just like my father and needed surgery. I would need a defibrillator implanted to prevent ventricular tachycardia from causing sudden cardiac death. They wanted to do this immediately and scheduled it a few days later on May 9, 2000. My head was spinning. I was supposed to graduate from college that day. Now my life was changing before my eyes… I remember feeling what a curse? I had overcome so many obstacles to get where I was in life. Given my history, graduating college was a major feat; I was looking forward to the milestone of walking across the stage to receive my Bachelor’s Degree diploma but instead of a graduation ceremony I laid on a table for surgery.
Although I hardly remember the immediate recovery my family wasn’t sure I would survive. What I do remember was a lot of pain in my chest… Eventually I started feeling better and the nurses educated me on what my life would be like living with a defibrillator and again I didn’t think it would effect me too much…
A month after surgery I was shocked by my defibrillator (set at 1,400 watts) it knocked me to the ground. I remember this like it was yesterday. My first thought was someone hit me in the back with a 2×4. Then another shock happened and I noticed I was near the power box going into my house and wondered if there was an exposed line. It was after the third shock that I realized it was my defibrillator… This happened from doing yard work. That incident was so traumatic that as a result I stopped ALL physical activity. I grew depressed and my pre-existing anxiety disorder grew much worse. Eventually I started to drink to escape reality and try to numb the fears I lived with daily…
I became an alcoholic and gained massive amounts of weight. I was going in the opposite direction of healthy. My outlook was not good.
Then one day I realized that I was not living the life I was meant to. I found recovery from addiction and with recovery I slowly got back into fitness to help with my recovery. Years later, I shed the unhealthy weight and found whole-body wellness. Today, a month from turning 48 I am the healthiest I have ever been. I lift weights 4 times a week, run twice a week and am training for a full marathon this fall…
This life change didn’t happen overnight and I wouldn’t be here without my cardiology team. HOWEVER, if I can do this ANYONE can find true health regardless of their diagnosis… You just have to focus on one day at a time and working at your pace.
I no longer look at this as a curse. My Father who I loved and miss immensely died from this deadly disease because he didn’t know about it. However, thanks to medical technology I GET TO LIVE…
Lately I have been asked a lot of questions on how to prevent relapse. A lot of recoverees in treatment centers talk about treatment as a vicious cycle and it can be! At the State level and Nationally we are pouring billions into treatment. Creating effective, evidenced-based treatment, better access, better service, etc but are we forgetting the most important part? Scientists and medical professionals classify addiction as a chronic disease NOT ACUTE. This means we need to stop viewing treatment as a one-stop fix and view it as part of the continuum of care like we would for other chronic conditions. Treatment is effective but it has never been designed to be the end and it is time we focus on the aftercare. Did you know that 80% of post-treatment relapses occur within 90 days of discharge? This is where we can make a difference! The vast majority of people that relapse during those first 90 days did not follow an aftercare plan. Treatment is great; but I think the most important thing for a successful recovery is to have a viable aftercare plan.
Recovery is a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential. To do that a person needs to home, health, purpose and community. Of course this does not happen overnight; it is something to be strived for in our recovery journeys. However in order to get to long-term recovery I believe three things are essential for early recovery.
First, get a sponsor or mentor. – Having a sponsor (or mentor) is crucial in early recovery as these people have been there and can help with resources in their area. For example, if the recoveree goes to an AA or NA meeting and comes away thinking it sucked, they can tell their sponsor these feelings and they can work out ways to try a different meeting. Often times people have a bad experience at a support group meeting and think they all will be like this and quit going. The 12 steps not your thing? get a Peer Recovery Specialist (Recovery Coach). They can help you navigate early recovery regardless of what path you want to take.
Second, have a support group meeting schedule and meeting plan – Plan AND ATTEND several meetings a week. If they feel a meeting is awful, find a different one. DO this until they have a routine of weekly meetings that they enjoy. Go early and stay late (MAYBE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART). Often times people think it’s the AA meetings that keep people sober, but it is actually the fellowships (friendships) that develop from going to these meetings. And this happens when they finds others that they relate to at meetings (spiritual connection) and then go to coffee with them after, or gets a pizza or just hangs out with them. When your friends are people in recovery, recovery is no longer an effort, but it is your life.
Third, have a healthy hobby or activity scheduled daily/weekly – Find a healthy hobby or activity!!! This is way to often forgotten. We alcoholics and addicts often have to stop doing what we used to do for fun because that is when/where we used drugs and alcohol. Then when we enter recovery for some reason we think we can exist without filling that giant void of having purpose in life… This emptiness (which is often what started us on drugs and alcohol) is very dangerous and often times is the reason people return to use. Support meetings (A.A., N.A.) often can fill that emptiness for people, but some still find themselves bored or without purpose and they start to think recovery is boring, and soon they are looking for unhealthy things to fill that void… Find a healthy activity right away and try new things, exercise, yoga, walking, fishing, biking, running, painting, etc..
Finally, the good news is that RELAPSE IS NOT PART OF LONG-TERM RECOVERY… We need to distinguish that early recovery is part of the stages of change which can include periodic relapses. However, when a recoveree advances through the stages of change and into long-term recovery, relapse is not part of their recovery. As long as we practice our program of recovery in our daily affairs relapse does not exist.
We Do Recover 