Tag: Mental Health

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The 12 Ways of Christmas in Recovery

The Holidays can be a wonderful and joyous time of the year, but it can also be stressful. For many in early recovery the Holidays can jeopardize their recovery… Here are some tips I have used throughout my recovery to ensure my recovery comes first during the Holidays. 

1. Keep working your program of recovery (Meetings, fitness, meditation, etc). REMEMBER!!! We are STILL powerless over our addiction – Too many people let this slip from their mind when they are suddenly presented with a drinking opportunity during the Holidays. 

2. You still can’t control it… We often hear voices that tell us it would be different this time. 

3. One is too many, 100 is not enough. Rarely do we have one drink and stop. Don’t listen to the inner addict. 

4. You don’t deserve it… We tell ourselves this after periods of sobriety, and quite often when we are with friends and family.. You DESERVE serenity and that is the opposite of what comes with addiction.

5. You DO NOT need to go to any party or place you feel vulnerable – Your recovery is way too important to risk it by being somewhere you are vulnerable.

6. You DO NOT have to justify your recovery – Some like to talk about their recovery, but you don’t have to, and you don’t have to feel the need to justify it.

7.  Remember you don’t have to go anywhere just to please someone else – If a friend or relative gets upset because you avoid a party they will get over it… YOU may never get over a relapse

8. Have Sober Strategies in Place – Develop a plan to protect your sobriety ahead of any holiday event and activity that could potentially trigger a relapse. 

9.  Practice your conscious contact with your higher power – Listen to God, you will find the guidance if you listen.

10. Be Mindful of What You’re Drinking—and Thinking – At social gatherings, it might be helpful to always have a beverage in hand so people aren’t constantly offering you a drink. 

11. Avoid Known Risks – If Cousin Eddie will insist that you have “one” drink, stay away from him. If the office Holiday party is really all about drinking, make a brief appearance or don’t attend (remember rules 1-8). 

12. Practice and schedule Self-care – meditation, exercise and rest can do wonders for your well-being. 

Happy Holidays in #Recovery

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From a Curse to a Life Saver

On Sunday it was 21 years since my first heart surgery. I remember the day I was diagnosed. My wife was 8+ months pregnant with our first child. As we walked from exam room to exam room at the incredible Mayo Clinic in Rochester all eyes were on my wife’s belly as everyone assumed something must be wrong with the baby because we were so young and seemingly healthy. That is the way I felt. I was 26, in great shape. I didn’t smoke or drink; I felt invincible. However, deep down inside I was terrified because I knew there was a hidden killer in my genetics.

My father had died ten years earlier from Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy at age 43. It was after his sudden death that I learned that this genetic defect (MYBPC3) could be passed down genetically. But this is like when you hear eating foods high in cholesterol will kill you (you believe this but the possibility is so far away you don’t care) and like many young people I had no fears until my initial cardiologist in Mankato urgently sent me to the Mayo.

After many tests it was confirmed that I have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy just like my father and needed surgery. I would need a defibrillator implanted to prevent ventricular tachycardia from causing sudden cardiac death. They wanted to do this immediately and scheduled it a few days later on May 9, 2000. My head was spinning. I was supposed to graduate from college that day. Now my life was changing before my eyes… I remember feeling what a curse? I had overcome so many obstacles to get where I was in life. Given my history, graduating college was a major feat; I was looking forward to the milestone of walking across the stage to receive my Bachelor’s Degree diploma but instead of a graduation ceremony I laid on a table for surgery.

Although I hardly remember the immediate recovery my family wasn’t sure I would survive. What I do remember was a lot of pain in my chest… Eventually I started feeling better and the nurses educated me on what my life would be like living with a defibrillator and again I didn’t think it would effect me too much…

A month after surgery I was shocked by my defibrillator (set at 1,400 watts) it knocked me to the ground. I remember this like it was yesterday. My first thought was someone hit me in the back with a 2×4. Then another shock happened and I noticed I was near the power box going into my house and wondered if there was an exposed line. It was after the third shock that I realized it was my defibrillator… This happened from doing yard work. That incident was so traumatic that as a result I stopped ALL physical activity. I grew depressed and my pre-existing anxiety disorder grew much worse. Eventually I started to drink to escape reality and try to numb the fears I lived with daily…

I became an alcoholic and gained massive amounts of weight. I was going in the opposite direction of healthy. My outlook was not good.

Then one day I realized that I was not living the life I was meant to. I found recovery from addiction and with recovery I slowly got back into fitness to help with my recovery. Years later, I shed the unhealthy weight and found whole-body wellness. Today, a month from turning 48 I am the healthiest I have ever been. I lift weights 4 times a week, run twice a week and am training for a full marathon this fall…

This life change didn’t happen overnight and I wouldn’t be here without my cardiology team. HOWEVER, if I can do this ANYONE can find true health regardless of their diagnosis… You just have to focus on one day at a time and working at your pace.

I no longer look at this as a curse. My Father who I loved and miss immensely died from this deadly disease because he didn’t know about it. However, thanks to medical technology I GET TO LIVE…

I will love my best life as payment.

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Mental Health Access Nightmares

Patience is not one of my virtues.

That is when I’m healthy. When I am not mentally healthy, patience might as well be a word that does not exist. I am a 42 year old man. I have depression and anxiety. It was being managed quite efficiently until a life event happened and my depression intensified. I needed help, I needed to address my mental health…

If you are a man, you know that we as men are not supposed to ask for help (its an unwritten rule)… We don’t ask for help for anything… We could be lost, bleeding, hungry or confused but we won’t ask for help… This is a stigma I have been trying to defeat my whole career, but I know it still exists. It is not just men though; many people are afraid to ask for help or too proud to ask for help but what scares me the most is when they do ask for help they don’t get it or the effort of getting help is too much.

Remember patience is not a virtue I possess and when my depression is controlling my mind I lose the ability to be motivated, to be patient, to be persistent. Instead, when encountering resistance or  set backs I want to put it off, do it later (never) or just quit. This is common among those of us with mental illness. Its not that we don’t want help; its that getting help is too much work for us in our mental state…

I am treated with a low dose of an antidepressant; I have been for years. It has been going so well that this summer I was in the process of tapering off completely and was at the lowest dose that was still therapeutic. However, this summer I moved to a new community which is when my family problems began. My whole world was rocked. Shortly after this unfortunate life situation I recognized the symptoms of depression creeping back into my life; irritability, difficulty enjoying things I once enjoyed, sleep problems, difficulty concentrating etc.. I knew the family situation was out of my control so I made an appointment with a psychotherapist. We scheduled weekly  appointments at first and they were very helpful. Then, I went to bi-monthly appointments and although they were still helpful I noticed the symptoms of depression (especially the irritability) getting worse. So since I was new to my community my therapist gave me the number to a psychiatrist in my new community to do a medication review.

I live in Lakeville but work in Owatonna. Initially I called the psychiatrist recommended by my therapist on a Monday. I got their voicemail… I left a detailed message according to their instructions. By Friday I had not received a call back so I called again; and again got their voicemail, so I left another message. On the next Monday I was feeling rather frustrated and a coworker suggested I call a local psychiatrist since I was not getting a response from the one in my hometown. I decided I would give the first psychiatrist the rest of that day to respond… Well, I didn’t hear back so I called a local clinic. Guess what? I got their voicemail as well… So I left another message and despondently hung up the phone to continue the wait… This is the part of my care and ACCESS TO CARE that scares me… I wanted to give up. Remember, my mind isn’t working efficiently. I don’t have the mental capacity to manage these situations. The patience that others have and that I normally have is nonexistent at this point… What I do have is excessive irritability… Waiting creates extreme irritability… This creates an atmosphere conducive to quitting.

Lucky for me, at this point I am still healthy enough to KNOW I need to keep trying for my health. I have been working in mental health and substance abuse for 15 years; I know better (at the moment) but if left untreated eventually I may not have the ability to think about my health. This is where the problem is. Many people end up with tunnel vision. They are no longer thinking rationally but cannot recognize this. How many others don’t have the background I do? This is where a lot of people would quit.

It didn’t get any easier.

After a second call and second voicemail at the clinic in Owatonna I finally received a call back from that clinic. She was very nice and started the intake process. However, there was a problem. They are contracted with a 3 county area and can only provide psychiatric services to RESIDENTS of those counties… I am not a resident in those counties. I work there but live in a County North of their service counties. She apologized and kindly referred me to the other facility in town that has a psychiatrist. I called there after hanging up the phone. While waiting, the first clinic (in my home town) called (perfect timing), I had to let it go to my voicemail… When the representative at the second clinic answered the phone and got my request she informed me that unfortunately they don’t currently have a psychiatrist and could put me on a list for a call back when they hire one…

This is the second time I wanted to quit and just see if it would get better on its own… However, I called the original clinic back and got to speak to someone. She got all of my information and then told me she would have to call me back after she spoke with the psychiatrist to see if she would accept me. Ok, I am assuming she meant to see if the Doctor had openings, however, what my depressed and anxiety filled mind heard was “we’ll decide if you are worthy of our time”…

Can I quit yet?

They called back the next day and told me I was approved to be seen by the doctor and her next available appointment was 6 weeks away. I thanked her and scheduled it.

By the time the December appointment arrives it will have been almost 9 weeks since my first call. This is very wrong. We need to do better. This was just a SCHEDULING problem. There are many that have problems on top of the logistics; the wrong insurance, can’t drive, cannot get out of work… I don’t have the answer on how we fix these problems but I do have a few suggestions for those reading this:

  1. If they are in a suicidal crisis STAY WITH THEM, get them to an E.R. or call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). If you are not sure; ASK them if they are suicidal.
  2. Remember, Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. When left untreated depression can be fatal. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. They cannot just “snap out of it”.
  3. Depression can cause tunnel vision. They may have a difficult time seeing the positives in life; they only see misery.
  4. You didn’t cause it and you can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person. BUT you can help…
  5. Be willing to help. Make the appointments, drive them, follow up, etc… However, remember there is a big difference between Help and Nagging. If you “nag” someone they will likely not ask for help again and will just hide their symptoms rather than get help. Keep in mind they may struggle and may not be cooperative. Be patient but persistent.

Depression is treatable and recovery is possible. Don’t give up on yourself or your loved ones. Be vigilant in your efforts to get help.

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